The World Series Of Conversational Subtlety
ANNOUNCER: Hello sports fans, we’re here with five time WSOCS Champion Beth Samuels, who has been EFFORTLESSLY telling men at bars she has a boyfriend without making it seem like an overt brush off! Beth, tell us, how DO you do it?
BETH: Well, first of all thank you. My technique is simple. I wait for the guy to mention an activity that my boyfriend and I participate in as well. For example, watching “The Wire” on DVD, hiking, or seeking out quality Vietnamese food—
ANNOUNCER: Seems like a standard approach—
BETH: Let me finish! I first mention that I ALSO participate in that activity, and start talking about my involvement with it, and only after the conversation is off to a good start about our shared enthusiasm for said activity, will i drop in a b-bomb.
ANNOUNCER: B-bomb?
BETH: That’s what I call slipping in the word ‘boyfriend’. For example: “I’m halfway through season 4. My boyfriend finished it before me, so I’ve gotta make sure he doesn’t spoil anything for me. What season are you on?”
ANNOUNCER: Wow. Flawless execution as always. Thank you so much for speaking to me today, Beth.
BETH: You’re welcome! My boyfriend also likes speaking.
Fin.
One of my friends, who happens to bartend more or less full-time, recently equipped me with the following rejoinder to the b-bomb:
“Boyfriend, huh? Well, let me know when you’re ready for a MAN friend.”
So, there’s that, I guess.
